Mending

Friendships appear, live, and strain to survive, but what happens when the just give up and break? Most just stay broken, turn into hatred and never stitch themselves up. If people do decide to mend what once was, they usually live to see that the stitches are stronger than what held them together before.

A couple nights ago, an old friend sent me a text. What started as an awkward conversation turned into a time that we took to catch up and thread our needle to start stitching up our friendship. We stayed up until like 9:30 pm (I think...) talking and catching up. I'd missed her and ever since we had not been the best of friends, I felt like there was a piece of me missing and now it has found its way back to me.

I know that we are not completely there yet but I think in a little time we can be back to what we were before our friendship broke.

If you are reading this, you know who you are and I am super happy that we are talking again and I really did miss you.

And to everyone else who might be reading this that I have been in a fight with, I am trying and I hope I can mend our friendship like I have with others. I love you all, even if we are not on the best of terms at the moment and I cherish your friendship.

Happy

Being happy is like an illness. Once you get it, it's hard to get rid of unless something fights it off.

I love this feeling and since it has been rare lately, I was so happy today when I woke up. I don't even know what it was but I guess I just woke up happy. Throughout my day, I have kept up being happy and I made a lot of people smile. I am in a wonderful mood and I love it. I have been singing to the radio, giggling when it's ok to, and smiling all day. Nothing can put a damper on my mood.

Here is a poem I wrote since I am so happy:

Bliss

Loving life so deeply

Should be something everything has

To feel the pings and pops inside

It drives me nuts and shows what I hide

This special feeling never is the same

But when it is time for it to show itself,

Your grief and anguish just fly away.

You know it's there when nothing can bring you down.

So share a smile, a grin or whatever you can spare,

because everything deserves to feel this way.

Abandoning Annie

Annie. My puppy, my happiness, my friend. I love you and I miss you so much. I hope you find a better home. Writing this makes my heart ache and my fingers miss the keys. If I would have tried to speak, my words would come out in sobs. I'm sorry. My beloved Annie.

Yesterday, we had to give our puppy Annie that we had just gotten back to the shelter. It is terrible, I know but we couldn't care for her anymore. Annie had bitten my older dog Sam and drew blood. She had nipped at a few people before too so we were afraid that she would bite them too.

She was also ruining our carpets. My mom just couldn't take it anymore. We had only had Annie for three months and we had to rent a steam cleaner for $50 three times. Plus Annie was getting worse and was determined not to be potty trained. We didn't have the money to replace the carpet.

Still, it was a terrible thing to do. If I would have had it my way, we would have kept her and kept trying, but my mom was sick of it. We abandoned her even if my mom doesn't see it that way. We are no better than the family who left her in the first place. I cry my eyes out every time I think about her and I just couldn't see her go. I lost a part of my family and myself like so many times before and this is one that cannot be replaced. I loved Annie and I still do now so I hope she finds a better home than she had with us.

With all my heart, I miss you Annie

Movies and much more...

Has your mom ever not let you hang out with someone just because they didn't know them? Most people I know don't have this problem but my mom is WAY over-protective. I hate it!!! She says that she is just doing her job as a parent but isn't their job to guide us and trust that we will do the right thing? How are we ever going to learn if we can't experiment ourselves?

So here is what happened:
During school, one of my good friends invited me to go to the movies with her and a bunch of other people and I thought it was great. I was going to have so much fun but when I got home and asked my mom, my daydream turned into a nightmare. She told me that she trusted my judgement and all but she didn't like some of the people that this friend hangs out with. I mean, does that really matter? Shouldn't she trust me not to get involved with bad people. She should, but with the fair share of betrayals I have witnessed then I guess she just doesn't want to see me hurt but she needs to back off a little. I need to teach myself and learn my own way or I will keep making mistakes.
Anyway, as a compromise, she said taht my friend could sleepover next week so she could "Get to know her better". Lame but still, at least I get to hang with her....

Over-protective parents SUCK!

Friends

I am so confused...

Lately, I have been hangin out with new people and my old and still friends seem to like it but I know they don't. It seems like they aren't being honest with me since they don't have my full attention pointed on them. I still hang with them as much as I used to but they don't see it that way. I love my friends and want keep them close to my heart but lately, I just can't. You wouldn't believe how many friends have deserted me alone this year and all the heartaches I have been through. I am hesitant about giving up my trust because I can't stand ache that can be a result.

I know the people who will stay with me the rest of this year, but what about after that? High school is a big leap and we may take it holding hands but in the end, some will have to be let go. I hate thinking this way but I know it's going to happen. I want to get close with the good friends I have now but I can't see them torn away from me like so many have been before.

I don't know what to do.....